Blog #71 Time for Reflection on Life

Pastor Horgan spoke about the first Sunday of “Advent” at our small but very friendly, inviting Church. Father Horgan is a pillar of the community and an inspiration to all.

For those unfamiliar with the Catholic religion, Advent is a particular time of the year that speaks to the coming of Christmas. Coming is a season of preparation, reflection, and anticipation. The theme is “hope.”

Thinking back over my 78 years, I reflected on my life, what is most important, what I would have changed, and my most important lessons.

While my high school guidance counselor was quite negative about my prospects, my mother rejected his advice and convinced me of the importance of going to college. So, I worked many jobs all year long while getting college done in four years under the threat of a draft due to the Vietnam War. Getting that education opened the door to becoming an officer in the Army. I deliberately decided to take the risk on my terms and get more training before going to war.

After my military experience, that alone opened the door to immediate hiring by a blue-chip company. I was full of confidence and fearless. Yes, I was full of hope. It was clear to me that the reward can be incredible by taking life-threatening risks. Any risk short of that would be manageable. I had an “advantage.”

My survival was primarily due to the arduous training and preparation I volunteered to receive at every chance I could get. I wanted to earn my skills.  As such, I was “combat-ready” to deal with combat mentally and physically. Advent also calls for us to be ready, to be active, and aware of the coming of Jesus Christ. We all look forward to the joy of Christmas.

The “Advent Wreath” has four candles representing hope, joy, peace, and love.

Before going to war, I was full of energy and hope. I prayed I would survive since I was married and with our first child. So many did not survive. I will never forget them or their family whose lives were taken or changed forever. Even so, I always had hope and a love of the country.

Getting educated, seeking training, taking risks, and practicing a strong work ethic are the elements that justify and enlighten hope in a world prone to darkness. Humanity has been afflicted with war and misery constantly throughout all time. It is more than sad, it is tragic beyond all reason. Today, the war in Ukraine, for example, has cost about one million lives lost (military and civilian deaths on both sides). After a war ends, it does not end for the families impacted. The tragedy lasts a lifetime.

Even so, hope can prevail over adversity. Personally, losing a child, the killing and maiming of my soldiers in war, the loss of our parents, the unexpected death of close friends and relatives, and the debilitating diseases that most cannot escape must not snuff out the light of hope.

For me, I have experienced the relief, a type of joy, of facing death and surviving. I trusted my feelings and found love with a life-long partner with beauty in body and spirit. Joy must come from the heart, as it is most apparent when you are with those you love, family, and friends. You can choose to be happy. Choose your friends wisely. I value my friends for a lifetime.

Over a 45-year business career, I have been fired or laid off five times due to reorganizations, mergers, or bankruptcies. While each infected me shortly with despair, I was able to deal with it, and in every case, I prospered from the events and achieved tremendous success. It was all meant to be. I also was helped by friends.

Some would say today that I am privileged. I reject that notion as feel I took every opportunity to learn, took at times unreasonable risks, and paid my dues to country, family, and God. I’ve had enough adversity to sensitize me to the fragility of life and know that it will not last much longer. But I feel I “lived large” and long, took risks, had failures, was awarded successes, and learned how deep love can be.

I want to be a “good man,” as depicted in the movie scene at the end of “Saving Private Ryan,” with the old soldier saluting at the grave of his hero who told him to “earn it,” hoping he lived his life as a good man. It is not enough to be a “strong warrior.” I should be more understanding, tolerant, patient, and kind as a “gentleman.”

Now that I have retired, I am serving my community in different ways to promote togetherness and camaraderie. I will not forget our Veterans. Too many need our help.

Moreover, I must continue my efforts to be a “better man.” Over the years, I have felt badly about addressing conflicting demands. Work demands too often took priority over family schedules; I lost patience trying to achieve goals, was too often honest/direct instead of showing empathy and listening, and was not as kind as I thought I should have been during times of difficulty. I was and still am results-driven and focused on being right rather than wrong. But sacrifices must be considered carefully, and it is not always good or best to be right.

I am not one to shy away from conflict, but I need to be better at avoiding conflict. While I do not consider myself “religious,” instead, I have learned to be more thoughtful and prayerful in Jesus Christ.

It also comes as no surprise that I have maybe 10-15 years left, if all goes well, before my next eternal journey begins. I have faith that it is not an ending.  I have more to do in this life and I am not ready to go yet. Conversely, just days before my mom passed away, she whispered to me that she was ready.  She was at peace.

For sure, hope will foster joy.

For me, I have achieved peace of mind.

For everyone, life is about hope, joy, peace, and love.

Show it, earn it, live it.

I am still trying.