Blog #19 Who Will Come to Your Funeral?
The clock is ticking, and we will all reach our expiration date sooner or later.
Between birth and death is a finite amount of time. Most of us never think about the endpoint. We are just too busy carrying on – surviving and thriving.
The time will come for your funeral. Whatever your religion or not, looking down on your casket, you may see who will go and those who will not.
Friends? Family? Strangers? Do you care who will come?
One man in Wisconsin had no family survivors but was a kind man to all his dry-cleaning customers. He left a will that bequeathed $500,000 to be equally divided amongst those who attended his funeral. Little did he know that 270 came because of his kindness over many years.
They also had no idea that they would be gifted for attending.
One military veteran in Missouri had no family to bury him. The word went out, and over 150 people attended his funeral, including veterans he never met. It was an expression of brotherhood.
During your life, how many people do you touch in a positive way, lasting way?
We all make mistakes. Some are irreversible, no matter how much we want to make things right. This is especially true in families — relatives who fight and develop ill feelings. Forgiveness is a virtue.
Sometimes mistakes are made for positive reasons gone bad. Parents may be too invasive, wanting to protect the child only to see it drive the child away.
The list is endless, with people saying the wrong thing at the wrong time without ill intent. Too often, some commit a wrong with deliberate intent. Malicious intent never wins and creates regrets.
The Bible tells us that we are not supposed to live isolated from others but in a community with social interaction. Doing so helps us recognize our blind spots and offers reason over personal bias.
Life is not easy, especially in practicing tolerance and compassion every day with everyone.
Tex was a good friend of mine for many years. We worked on the same team in Boston. Then he got brain cancer in his thirties. I visited him at the Mass General Hospital for many weeks. We would talk about everything and anything. During one visit, I asked him about a dilemma I was dealing with that worried me.
I told him about my serious disagreement with two close family members. I did not know what to do. I could easily justify my position as the correct one.
Tex replied, “When in doubt, show love.” That simple statement has stayed with me for 40 years.
I went against my deep-seated feelings and showed love. It proved to be the right decision.
I went to his funeral; so young, so many friends and family. His passing was anticipated, unlike many others.
Funerals can be a time of reflection away from our hectic day-to-day lives. It makes you consider how much time you have left and what you should do with it.
Anyone who comes to your funeral makes an honest gesture of love and respect.
It’s also a time to make peace with God or yourself while paying homage to those who have left us.
Looking at those who attend a funeral, I wonder who is missing. That brings sadness. Sometimes people come for a good reason, and then some are a surprise. But others should be there and are absent. Those who miss the funeral don’t get a second chance. Death is final, and the funeral is only done once.
Our passions are more controllable as we age, but our feelings get more profound. For some, having comfort in our skin is an outstanding achievement.
Still, the need is there to make life complete.
Family, community, and values are critical to retaining self-confidence, serenity, and harmony. Too many of all ages withdraw from society altogether.
Being alone is deadly in body and spirit.
So, the question is, “How do I spend the time I have left now?” Too many can’t comprehend the concept that they will die. It just doesn’t enter their realm of concern even as they see it happening to others.
Carrying grudges is corrosive and eats at the soul. It is okay to agree to disagree. If you must win, there will always be a loser. The real challenge is determining an acceptable compromise.
Ultimately, developing friends, supporting the community, and making commitments before time runs out will define us as givers or takers.
Promoting the challenge to live long, love all, be honest, contribute positively, and seek new adventures is easy. That is not possible as most of us are afflicted with the indisputable fact that we are humans.
But we must try; after all, how will you assess your life in your last hours when the time comes? How will you feel looking down at those who attend your funeral?
The fact remains life is a gift.
Life’s enjoyment is about re-gifting others in family and community.
How? By showing love, generosity, and service in substantive ways.
I know I need to do a better job.
And you?
#jcs
Post Script: On June 14, 2023, well after I wrote the above article, I found this news report: