Blog #7: Three Leaves to Happiness

Do you find happiness elusive?

We go through life with hopes and wishes while also focused on our problems, our challenges, and our requirements made on us by others.

It is overwhelming at times.

It may not be so obvious, but it is important to make “feeling happiness” a specific action each day. We must take the time to take stock of all that is good in our life. It is too easy to just take things for granted. For the unfortunate, they realize what they lost after it is too late. When this happens, our feeling of unhappiness gets deeper, and for some, depression results.

Finding a new purpose is critical.

For me, at my most difficult moments, what worked well was doing something completely different and outside my envelope of a “normal” state of being.

After serving in Vietnam, I resigned and returned home to a loving wife and a new son. They gave me purpose before and after war.

While I was a combat infantry officer, I was able to volunteer for all the superb training I could get for two years before going into battle. My head was clear, my view was optimistic, and I felt ready. I believe that training and your mindset, complete with preparation, was the best way for me to avoid PTSD.  This was true even after being wounded in the rice paddies of Thien Phouc Province. My other purpose was to save the lives of my soldiers.

Life is not easy and bad things happen. Everyone has a story. Adversity is part of life. We had a serious personal loss that devastated us, and soon after we sold our house and moved to a new home. It helped but the pain would continue for decades.

In the high-tech industry, it was not uncommon to be subject to mergers and top management change. Given a separation package, I decided to make it a positive moment in my life and took my teenage son on the trip of a lifetime – rafting down the Colorado River through the entire length of the Grand Canyon, camping out on sandbars at night.

After losing another job of many years to corporate downsizing in a recession, I took a trip to Colorado and hiked fourteen-thousand-foot mountains. I was in awe of the mountain scenery, animals, and the entirety of Nature. Since then, I became an avid hiker to see sites and enjoy experiences few on the planet will see or feel in their lifetimes.

Soon I asked others to join me. Keeping relationships alive with former and new friends, we would save an extended Labor Day weekend every year for an adventure we would never do in our normal lives.

I decided to work until I was 70 years old. I was going to bet on myself and believe I would live longer than the government’s actuarial expectations. Also, it provided an extra level of financial security in my golden years – again, just preparation. Yes, I felt I paid my dues and now I would be happier.

Our daughter has blessed us with three of our five grandchildren, and they enjoyed Christmas with so many gifts from Santa this Christmas of 2022. When they came to our condo it was a time of joy for a couple of days when activity was non-stop. Then a lull came and so they retreated to their devices. Soon the mood went silent. No smiles. No apparent happiness. Just clicking away. I saw frowns, quizzical looks, and frenetic typing on cell phones.

My wife and I eased them out of their device zones, and we went out onto the balcony. On the eighth floor of a beachside condo, we looked out directly over the Atlantic Ocean. It was a stunning view on a gorgeous day. But even so, after a while, it was not enough.

I could see them itching to get back inside to get on their phones and tablets.

Fortunately, I saw three leaves of the same size that came off a plant my wife keeps on the table.

I caught their attention and using their suggestions, I gave each a leaf and suggested we would play a game.  OK, it may be stupid simple, but they played along with “Grandpa being Grandpa.”

One by one they would drop their leaf and see which one would win by landing furthest out from the building.

Oh, did I hit the right nerve – their competitive spirit.

Ava was first and tossed her leaf out. Down it went wavering, with each of us yelling or groaning as it fell. Soon a wind caught it, and it was lost in a hidden corner of the building. Ugh!

Next, Ella, the oldest tossed her leaf that went far out from the building at first and then, with yelling going on, the leaf was blown back towards the building and landed in the grass. Yikes!

Then Brooks, our youngest grandson, tossed his leaf. It went close to the building as we stretched to see what would happen. As it got close to the bottom, inexplicably, the wind carried it out far from the building. Wow! Brooks was the winner. Up went cheers and groans.

But for sure, all were with smiles and laughing.

It was as simple as that. Happiness. A very different mood with chatter about who is more competitive and aggressive.

Happiness is a state of mind.  It is a choice. Now, I must ask three questions.

Have you chosen to be happy today?

More, can you make others happy?

What is your purpose?